cowfish

This is maybe the most excellent news story of the year:

http://www.pinktentacle.com/2008/01/origami-spaceplane-to-launch-from-space-station/

That may not be saying much, given that we are only three weeks in, but I suspect this one may stay up there for a bit. I’ve even seen it in a few places so it might even be true. However, while traversing the office-station intermediate space this evening with cow-orkers Steve and Alexandra (yes that Steve, btd and jcaswell) it came up as a topic of conversation.

Firstly, how are they going to stop it burning up? Some of the articles I’ve read have said that the paper of the paper plane (which is all of it) will be treated with a similar heatproofing material to that of the space shuttle. I thought that was based on ceramic tiles, but, for the sake of a benefit-of-the-doubt, I will assume it is some kind of spray on goo that will harden to a tasty heat proof shell. Sort of like a Locket (or Halls Soother if you prefer fake cherry) around it’s gooey throatmakebetter centre, but not as brittle or susceptible to a sucking action. Although if you would suck an expensive paper plane then you should probably not be working as a scientist and should probably be placed in a padded room with some form of unbreakable substance shaped in such a manner that it is not swallowable. BUT ANYWAY, spray on goo that hardens. Heatproofing may be good, but on such a small item I’m fairly certain that the inside would still hit our old friend Fahrenheit 451and turn into a crumbly darkened powder, maybe with a hint of glitter if it was fancy origami paper. So what this essentially means, in essence, is that they will be using paper as a strange internal ‘mould’ for a plane made from spray on goo that hardens to a shell in the manner of a Locket (or Soother if you prefer a less menthol blackcurrant flavour). So not really a paper plane at all. Still this does not alter the awesomeness of the project all that much – when you are starting with the awesomeness that comes from launching something at least shaped like a paper plane from the side of the ISS from the glov-ed hand (I must assume for the sake of romantic vision) of an astro/cosmo/taiko/spationaut (or even Angkasawan if you are from Malaysia), then the changing of its construction material is not going to detract all that much.

So, next point – where would it land? Based on sod’s law I reckon that one day a random guy will be walking his dog somewhere in Canada (why Canada? I have no idea. I don’t even know if they are big walkers of dogs up there, but for some reason it was the first place that popped into my tiny mind), minding his own (and probably the dog’s) business, considering the merits of beer and do(ugh)nuts when, after a single bark of warning, he turns and sees a giant fireball screaming towards him at a such a rate that he only has time to utter a single syllable (’eh’ if I was to continue the stereotypical and potentially insulting Canadian motif. Sorry lovely people of Canada, I still need to visit and help your economy with my touristy dollars and will do so as soon as I can as penance. Which is pretty good as penance goes, going on holiday someone nice) before the burning and pointed tip of something looking like a paper airplane made of spray-on goo hardened on the outside of an inverse mould (almost like a Locket [or Soother if you're not a fan of a lemony flavour developed on the New Jersey Turnpike] wrapped around its soft centre) punches through his throat causing immediate death. He is later found, his sad and tired dog looking pitifully at the sky, but turned in the direction of Tokyo. However, based on statistical methods Steve reckoned it would land in the sea. This would be a significantly less impressive event with a fireball hitting the sea and going out with a mild hiss and a tidal wave large enough to swamp a small sandcastle, half stamped by an ineffective bully. However, this does open the possibility that one day a whale will be washed up on a far off shore and approached by concerned animal lovers only for them to discover a paperplane shaped object (with a slightly more wobby outline, almost as it was fashioned from some form of spray-on goo, almost like the way a Locket [or Soother if you're stupid and believe that your throat really will be kissed better] is constructed around its throat soothing centre) embedded in the side of its head (or at least front portion of it’s un-segmented body, if that is a vaguely understandable biological term). This also leads to the consequent theory that the japanese flag on the plane (if they manage to fashion a red sun out of a slightly redder coloured spray-on goo which would then harden to a shell around the paper plane mould, which wouldn’t really be much like a locket as the inside would all be burnt up which isn’ t the case with a Locket [or Soother if you want a lozenge less shaped like a suppository] as the inside is still all gooey) will allow their government to claim the whale for scientific research – a situation in the world in general that I think could be solved with some honesty, with the research groups being attached to the culinary institutes where they belong.

So, get working news people. You have to be beat space bound paper planes to get my interest. I don’t think there’s much short of an alien invasion that can interest me ever again. Luckily this does restrict my usage of the Metro in the morning to merely that of privacy screen and sudoku delivery system, which is what I assume it’s meant to be for.

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