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The Ultimate Food

It may be the beverages talking, but while meandering through the back streets from the station I started thinking about the wonders of the ULTIMATE FOODSTUFF. It started with a thought back to work, when my minion Phil came round to enquire as to whether I had seen any unclaimed biscuits lying around in the office – a common phenomena thanks to the marvels of an M&S lunch delivery. This, as the oft discarded comment can do, got me thinking.

Firstly, I directed Phil over to Vinod’s desk, as I’d seen a pack of unguarded Yum Yums there earlier. Always keep your eyes open when walking round the office.

Next, I started with the humble biscuit – a very fine foodstuff, combining the wonderful joys of fat, protein, fibre and sugar in one humble and easily digestable package. There’s variety and tastiness galore, with occasional fruit and even more occasional chocolatey goodness, From a general food point of view it is quite close to perfect, with my only issue with them being a lack of savouriness, in the more normal sugary biscuit. Now, a sugary biscuit with added meaty goodness, that would be special – which leads us naturally to the mincemeat slice, made with chopped beef. Now, many people would expect non-veggie friendly mincemeat to taste of the beefs, but as bob’s tasty mince pies showed us all a few years back (for certain limited subsets of the populace who I am referring to as ‘all’), beefy doesn’t necessarily mean meaty. Umami-y, yes, but no tasty flavour of cowness.

But the mincemeat slice is not the greatest of snack foods – large and filling, and slightly difficult to eat when warm (as mincemeat is not known for its structural integrity in mildly humid situations). So something else is needed…

I propose:

The chocolate covered pretzel. But no, why stop there – THE CHOCOLATE COVERED SALTED PRETZEL!

Again, more difficult to eat in warmer weather, due to the meltiness, but at the same time a fantastic combination of sweet and savoury, wrapped up in a small and easily divisible package of calorific value, all wrapped up in a hand protecting plastic laminated foil carry sack. What more could the hunter after the perfect snack ask for?

Apart from sugared biltong. Covered in chocolate.

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