Names aren’t that hard…
I am constantly surprised by the inability of people to deal with names. Throughout my life I’ve had issues with my own name and seen constant examples of the stupidity of the universe as names get randomly mangled from moment to moment and person to person. I’m not talking about the insistence of a guy I know pronouncing “Weinstein” as “Wine-Steen” – which isn’t even consistent with itself – but the inability of so many people to actually spell a name, even when it is read out to them. Slowly. In a condescending voice…
My name, surprising as it is for some people to discover, is Christopher Jan Abbott. Two Bs and two Ts in the surname, and a J on the front of my middle name – not an I, thankyou Messrs Engineering Council and BCS. A simple name you may think, oh gentle and intelligent reader, but it seems that no matter how many times I spell things out, it still all goes wrong. I’m not so concerned about the Jan – it’s not a common male english name and I can quite understand the mangling of it into Ian – but the Abbott. BT still send letters to a Mr Abott asking him to switch back to using their overly expensive phonelines, despite the fact that Mr Abbott, who is also on their system at the same address, never left their evil grasp. British Gas (who recently decided to balls up all my direct debits after someone with a totally different name and address to me mistyped their reference number in a webform) at one time insisted on referring to me as Mr Ablett, which I found slightly strange, and the number of people who truncate my surname to the relatively uncommon Abbot (understandably rare, as the average Abbot back in ye olden dayes wasn’t particularly known for passing on his profession, and thus name, on to his children. Well, at least not publically anyway) is understandably high.
But it’s not only me – Mr Auden, my esteemed flatmate of years past, received post for a Mr Udlyn for a scarily long time; my mum, when using her maiden name, and my uncle both receive post that is addressed to someone that often has the same first name, but has a surname that only barely resembles their fairly simple Vosky.
That name, Vosky, pretty much sums it up – the Jan in my name is handed down from my maternal grandfather, who arrived in the UK from Poland at some time in 30s or 40s (I think…). Jan Wojciehowski used to get a bunch of post addressed with few problems with the spelling of his surname, but as soon as he anglicised it to Vosky the fun with spelling started. Ian Woskey, will you please stand up?
In a way it’s fortunate that the Engineering Council ballsed up my name, as the postman continued his fantastic habit of ignoring the large “Do not bend” on the front of their envelope and I have a rather crumpled looking certificate. At least this way I might be able to get a pristine one without shelling out for the laser etched gold tablet that they sent me an advert for…
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Posted: September 3rd, 2008 under blog.