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My final piece of iPhone info fell into place, after speaking to the nice chap in the O2 store on Ealing Broadway. Here is a bulleted list:

The Ealing Broadway shop should have a good stock of phones as they are a ‘concept store’ and thus get more shiny than mere normal stores. They also have a 20p and a 5p stuck to their countertop with peeling sticky tape to advertise how much it costs to get broadband from them per day. It looks a bit shit; they need to refresh their sellotape…
You do not need to top up a minimum amount per month to get free internets on the iPhone PAYG – you need to top up at least £10 when you get it and at that point you get a year of free internets. After that year it is £10 per month (maybe £7.50 without partner wifi).
You need to make at least one call/send at least one sms every 6 months or your account gets deactivated.
I have iPhone release day off work (for other unrelated reasons), but will not queue. I don’t queue. Well, sometimes…