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Haiku Film Reviews

The Lives of Others
A guy sits upstairs,
Listening to lower flat.
Oh! The typewriter.

Santa Claus vs The Martians
No Christmas on Mars,
All the children are listless.
Voldar’s moustache rocks.

24 Hour Party People
Meta-Tony Wilson
Talks about himself a bit
And doesn’t get shot.

Control
A story about
Ian Curtis will not end
All that well. Good film.

Now I want to buy
Some Joy Division Albums.
The film’s rather good.

Ultraviolet
Mila Jovovich,
I wonder, “Are you mental?”
The only good line.

Æon Flux
Oh, Charlize Theron.
You may be wrapped in rubber,
But this isn’t great.

Tommy
Ann Margret writhing,
Smeared with beans and chocolate .
There are other scenes?

3 Iron
Delivering menus,
To invisibility,
In 90 minutes.

Shaolin vs Lama
The buddha finger
Will defeat your weaker style.
GO FOR THE ARMPIT!

The Phantom Menace
George, are midichlorians
The worst idea you’ve had yet,
Or are we all wrong?

Heavy Metal in Baghdad
Acrassicauda
Is five syllables alone.
A haiku is hard.

A well made doco,
But how much of it is real?
Band and film still rock.

In Bruges
Brendan Gleeson rocks,
Colin Farrell can still act,
but Bruges is the star.

Angel-A
A short conman
meets a tall beautiful girl
who is quite unique.

Rocky Balboa
It’s formulaic
and Stallone looks a bit old,
but it all still works.

Wag the Dog
Making a fake war
Has never been easier
But it’s just a film.

Speed Racer
Coloured like smarties,
with quite silly physics and
Christina Ricci.

Watchmen
Quite random music,
some fancy slow mo fighting,
and a big blue schlong.

Taken
“Who’s driving the boat?”,
cry acolytes of Kermode,
but it’s not too bad.

My Neighbour Totoro
Out in the country
Totoro lives in a tree
Cat Bus fucking rocks

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Time 1st October 2008 at 2:45 pm

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