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So, I am in America. It seems I am one hotel away from mr_tom, which nice, and full of flu, which is not. I wrote a very long and rambling entry yesterday afternoon, when I thought I was much better, but after reading over it today I can tell that I was not. As it is, I am now coming down from a brace of DayQuil, non-drowsy anti-flu tabs of the gods (I thought they’d kicked in, then I thought they were crap, then I got up and walked and everything went weird. I felt rather good. But weird), and have a slightly more steady head on my achy shoulders, so here is a summary of the ramble from yesterday:

1) Had onglet in the airport. Was nice.
2) Didn’t buy duty frees as I was having trouble carrying my own weight, let alone that of other things.
3) Flight was 3rd worst flight ever, but worst non-redeye.
3a) Most of cattle class was filled with 60-70 kids going on a school skiing trip
3ai) Aged between 11 and 14
3aii) Making it almost literally cattle class
3b) I was moved from my most excellent back of the plane, extra room to the side seat due to a small boy from the skiing group sitting in it.
3bi) I did volunteer to move, but that was because I didn’t want to sit next to the moved surly pre-teen’s surly pre-teen friend, and was sure that alternative couldn’t worse.
3bii) I was wrong
3c) I was relocated in 41f, row 2 of cattle, one seat from the aisle in the middle.
3ci) Surly teenage girl, angry at sitting next to a fat balding man rather than her friends as she hadn’t thought to swap seats earlier, sitting on one side
3cii) Empty headed girlfriend of the equally empty headed vest wearing sports teacher sitting to the other
3d) The reading light didn’t work on my seat
3e) The volume control didn’t work on my TV
3ei) Luckily I didn’t use their very quiet headphones
3eii) I was mildly deafened by the end of my movies
3f) Positive: saw Shoot’em Up, Eastern Promises and Michael Clayton. All good.
3fi) Even Shoot’em Up, which was really silly.
3g) Did you know that they still flash the No-Smoking sign when coming in to land?
3h) Children screamed throughout flight
3hi) No. Throughout. The. Entire. Flight.
3hii) Worse than you are currently imagining.
3i) I was very ill and was seeing flashy lights and colours
3j) Had one interesting dream of being tasered by an air-marshall while throttling the kid who was learning to drum on the back of my seat
3ji) I was happy to be tasered, just to make it all stop
4) Newark airport is a hellhole
4a) Immigration wasn’t that bad
4ai) By which I mean it was quite nasty, but didn’t take long
4b) Small enough that it can’t handle 747s at every stand
4bi) I was on a 747
4bii) We had to wait for a tug to tow us in
4c) They don’t have enough baggage trucks to unload a full 747
4ci) After the first trucks took 30 minutes (after I got to baggage reclaim) to get the first load of bags out onto the carousel, it was 30 minutes until the second load even arrived
4cii) I went to sleep while waiting
4ciii) My bag was one of the last off the plane
4d) Did I mention that I was rather ill?
4e) Positive: Mad cabbie from Cote d’Ivoire was rather cool and didn’t overcharge me
4ei) He was a proper no english speaking NYC cabbie
4eii) Didn’t stop him trying though
5) My hotel in New York was annoying
5a) Very posh and nice hotel, with excellent rooms and a beautiful looking cafe bar
5ai) Sounds of a live jazz trio filtering through the vaulted atrium from said bar
5aii) $25 cover for the music and $15 minimum bar tab, when I could stomach little but water. Upsetting.
5b) Cafe bar had a terrible dinner menu
5bi) I only had one thing on it, but the place was empty. I know it was New York on a Saturday, but the food was also bad.
5bii) My burger was 90% fat and I could only eat half of it
5biii) They even ballsed the fries.
5biv) Sorry, chips.
5c) Cafe bar had a terrible breakfast menu
5ci) It was less empty, but noone went up for a second go at the buffet bar
5d) My room did have a view of the Empire State Building.
5di) But it was only the very top bit as I was on the 5th floor and surrounded by tallish buildings
5dii) I still took a picture though
5diii) But I left my card reader at home.
6) I bought a shiny copy of Geometry Wars: Galaxies for my Nintendo DS while on the way to get the train
6a) I missed my train
6ai) And they only run hourly
6b) I left my DS back in the UK
6bi) I briefly considered buying another DS
6c) I saw a number of tramps washing themselves in the bathroom at Grand Central
6ci) They never touched their bodies, merely scrubbed their clothes while they were wearing them
6cii) Which at the time seemed like an excellent idea
6ciii) Did I mention my high fever
7) Fever broke while I was on the train
7a) Which was nice
8) Bumped into cow-orker at station, quite randomly.
8a) He sorted the cab as I was losing the power of speech
9) Other hotel is quite nice
9a) And my room is next to the swimming pool that nobody uses, so I can just run back and forth in my swimming trunks
9ai) Well, walk slowly. I know the rules.
9aii) And I’ll wait til I’m actually better
10) American Flu Drugs are excellent and deserve Capital Letters when mentioned
10a) I will be risking jail by importing all the DayQuil that I can JUST IN CASE I ever feel fluey again.
10b) I made it in to the office today simply through the power of drugs

And if you think that was long, you should have seen what I wrote before.

I am now almost mended, which is nice. I am sitting in a heated office wearing a fleece and eyeing my fleecy hat, but I think that’s through force of habit.


Comment from realaustinman
Time 11th February 2008 at 8:52 pm

So you knew to bring your identification when purchasing meds with pseudo-epinephrine? You can only buy so many grams of it a day – but you don’t need a scrip for it. So if you hit the same CVS over and over again, you might get mistaken for a meth cook.

Comment from billyabbott
Time 11th February 2008 at 9:46 pm

Luckily for me I was hitting the front desk at the hotel. However, I had forgotten the whole meth-lab thing and now realise why there were no REALLY good drugs hanging next to the M&Ms…

Comment from easterbunny
Time 11th February 2008 at 10:25 pm

A flight full of pre-teen skiing school trippers sounds wretched. I can only suggest performing voodoo ceremonies that will hopefully end in a surprise business class upgrade.

Comment from haggisthesecond
Time 11th February 2008 at 11:33 pm

I’m sorry you had such a terrible journey but your post made me laugh.

Comment from pfig
Time 12th February 2008 at 8:03 am

kids suck, drugs are good.

are you sure you’re not in marketing?

Comment from billyabbott
Time 12th February 2008 at 3:39 pm

I’m still hoping that I was virulently contagious when I got on the plane and that a few of the little darlings will now be kept off the slopes by a few days of feeling slightly wretched. I also hope that all the teachers got my flu. That’ll learn them.

Comment from millennialhippy
Time 13th February 2008 at 2:24 pm

Yeah, I have to say I’m perpetually amused/disappointed/shocked by the ‘weak’ drugs being passed off as flu/cold treatments in the UK. I regularly bring in my own supply, as I just can’t find the same goods here.

-Katherine (eastofnorth on flickr)

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